How to Master Your Top 100 Relationships

Many professionals fall into the trap of casting too wide a net in their relationship-building efforts. They collect business cards like trophies, connect with everyone they meet on LinkedIn, and watch their contact list grow exponentially.

But here's the million-dollar question: Are these contacts or relationships? Are they moving the needle on your professional growth? What’s the real value of your most prized relationships? The harsh reality is that this shotgun approach to relationships often results in wasted time and energy.

The Problem

The problem: Our scattered approach to relationship-building is inherently inefficient and ineffective. We're expending precious time and mental bandwidth on superficial connections that yield little return while neglecting the relationships that could profoundly propel us forward in our careers or professional aspirations.

In this first of several Avnir How-to Series, we'll guide you through the process of identifying, nurturing, and leveraging your Top 100 Relationships. We'll show you how to shift from sheer quantity to dramatically deeper quality, from shallow breadth to depth of each relationship, and how to make every interaction count with value-add.

The Solution

The solution to scattered networking lies in a focused, strategic approach to your relationships. The Top 100 Relationships strategy aligns your relationship-building efforts with cognitive science and business principles rather than arbitrarily reducing your contact list.

Anthropologist Robin Dunbar proposed that average humans can proactively maintain roughly 100-150 stable relationships due to the size of our neocortex. This biological constraint, known as the Dunbar Number, suggests that trying to nurture thousands of professional connections is not just inefficient—it's neurologically a losing battle.

Similarly, the Pareto Principle, or the 80-20 rule, indicates that in relationship management, roughly 80% of your professional success will come from 20% of your relationships. Together, these concepts emphasize the importance of focusing on fewer but more meaningful, deeper, and strategic relationships.

This is where the Top 100 Relationships strategy comes into play and, with it, the solution. By identifying and nurturing your 100 most valuable professional connections, you're operating within your cognitive limits while maximizing potentially extraordinary returns on your relationship investments.

This focused approach allows you to allocate your limited time and energy where it can have the most significant impact. Your relationship management must be intentional, strategic, and quantifiable. You need to recognize the reality of our cognitive limits and the principles of effective networking.

The Desired Outcome

When you implement the Top 100 Relationships strategy effectively, you'll see a cascade of positive outcomes that can significantly boost your professional success. Let's break down these desired results:

Increased Top-of-Mind Awareness

Focusing on your key relationships will naturally help you stay more present in their thoughts. This is about consistent, valuable interactions that keep you relevant in their professional sphere.

Enhanced Opportunity Seizure

Business is often event-driven. Your contacts may not need your products, services, or expertise today, tomorrow, or even next year. But when a need arises, if you've been proactively nurturing the relationship, you're much more likely to get a shot at that opportunity. Your consistent presence positions you as the go-to person when the time is right.

More Referrals and Recommendations

When you're actively engaged with your Top 100, you become a vivid presence in their professional lives. This increased visibility often translates to more referrals and recommendations. Why? Because you're fresh in their minds when they encounter someone with a problem you can solve. Your name is the first to pop up when opportunities arise in their network.

Deeper Insights and Fewer Surprises

Regular, focused interactions with your key relationships yield richer insights about their companies, teams, and individual circumstances. This depth of understanding means fewer surprises and more informed interactions. You're more likely to hear about job changes, promotions, or significant business shifts directly and promptly.

Proactive Updates Leading to Expanded Opportunities

Staying in regular touch often leads to early information that can expand your opportunities. For instance, a client might mention an upcoming business unit transfer, allowing you to position yourself advantageously or even double your potential within that account.

Mutual Growth and Value Creation

As you invest more deeply in these relationships, you're creating value. Your focused attention allows you to offer more tailored, relevant support to your Top 100, encouraging a cycle of mutual benefit and growth.

Efficient Resource Allocation

Concentrating on your Top 100 will help you use your time and energy more efficiently. Instead of spreading yourself thin, you'll invest where it matters most, leading to a higher return on your relationship-building efforts.

Remember, these outcomes don't happen overnight. They're the result of consistent, intentional relationship nurturing. But when done well, this focused approach can transform your professional network from a broad, shallow pool into a deep well of opportunities, insights, and mutual success.

The Fast-Track-to-Value (FTV) Steps: Building Your Top 100 Relationships

Many people find the idea of managing 100 key relationships overwhelming. The common refrain is, "I don't know 100 people!" or "I can't possibly put a list of 100 people together." But the truth is, you likely know more people than you think. What you need is a framework—a formula to help you identify and organize these relationships.

Here's a step-by-step approach that has worked for many:

1. Break It Down into Manageable Chunks: Remember the old adage: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Let's apply this principle to building your Top 100 list.

2. Identify Your Relationship Ecosystem: Think of your professional network as an ecosystem with five distinct buckets (for example, a B2B Enterprise Seller):

   1. Existing Customers: Your most valuable relationships.

   2. Prospects: Potential future customers.

   3. Partners: Collaborators, integrators, channel partners, and market allies.

   4. Internal: Colleagues within vast parts of your organization.

   5. Influencers: Thought leaders, trusted mentors, and respected industry luminaries.

3. Fill Your Buckets: Aim initially for 5-10 (20 if you’re an overperformer) relationships in each bucket. The key is to begin with those who immediately come to mind as your most valuable relationships.
   Here's how to approach each category:

   1. Customers: List individuals (not companies) who are real, paying customers. They should have a problem you've solved, ideally multiple times, and who know, like, and trust you as you’ve demonstrated a vested interest in their success.

   2. Prospects: Include both short-term opportunities and those with medium to long-term potential. These should be relationships you hope will develop into more than a mere transaction and, ideally, lifelong customers.

   3. Partners: Think about who can recommend or refer you. Aim for a mix that could contribute to about 40% of your business, complementing your direct efforts. These relationships extend your reach and become a force multiplier of your brand!

   4. Internal: List relationships within your organization that are crucial to your success. This should include allies, champions, sponsors, and supporters from IT, legal, procurement, marketing, finance, operations, HR, the Chicago or Boston offices, HQ, international locations, and individuals you admire and enjoy collaborating with.

   5. Influencers: These are relationships you follow, read, and respect for their thought or practice leadership, coaching or mentoring, and generally individuals who push you to become the best version of yourself. They're people you can learn from, grow through, and continue to elevate your market value.

4. Start Documenting: Create a spreadsheet with the following information:

   • First name

   • Last name

   • Title

   • Company

   • Email (perhaps company and personal as backup, in case they move)

   • Best phone number (often cell)

   • Last touch (date and brief update of your last interaction)

5. Make It Tangible: Print out your list and keep it with you. Having a physical reminder can help you stay focused on these key relationships.

6. Consistent Value Addition: Most people miss this step: Every single day, including weekends, try to add value to at least five people on your list. This could be touching base, connecting them with someone, or sending them relevant information.

7. Regular Updates: Consistently update your list with new information from your interactions. This helps you maintain a current understanding of each relationship's status and needs.

8. Balance Persistence and Respect: There's a fine line between maintaining a persistent, polished presence and becoming a nuisance. Always aim to add value in your interactions, but be mindful of not outwearing your welcome.

Remember, version one is better than version none! Start with what you have and refine your list over time. By following these steps, you'll transform the daunting task of managing 100 key relationships into a structured, actionable process that drives your professional success.

What's Next: Nurturing Your Top 100 Relationships

Now that you've established your Top 100 list, it's crucial to understand that this is not a "set it and forget it" exercise. Your Top 100 should be a living, breathing document that evolves with your professional journey.

Here's how to keep it vibrant and effective:

1. Regular Reviews: Revisit your list at least monthly. Ask yourself: Are these still the right 100? Do I have the right 20 in each bucket? Be prepared to make changes as relationships evolve.

2. Responsiveness Check: Pay attention to how your contacts engage with you. If someone consistently ghosts you, it might be time to reconsider their place on your list. Remember, true relationships are reciprocal in their value delivery.

3. The Three-Touch Rule: If you reach out three times without engagement, it may be time to reassess that relationship's priority in your network. Don't pester; respect their time and priorities. Deprioritize so you can prioritize someone else and move forward.

4. Daily Value Addition: Aim to add value to at least five people on your list every day. These don't have to be grand gestures—a relevant article, a quick check-in, or a congratulatory note can suffice. My favorite is to connect two or more people on my Top 100 to each other for mutual value exchange! They’ll always remember where/how they met – You!

5. Visibility is Key: Keep your list visible. Print it out and put it on your desk. Out of sight often means out of mind.

6. Protect Your List: These are your most valuable professional relationships. Be selective about sharing these contacts. Treat this list like you would your most prized possessions. This is your IP, your vault, your most valuable professional asset!

7. Thoughtful Nurturing: Always think about how you can add value. Remember important dates, acknowledge achievements, and offer support during challenging times. It's never about being expensive; it's always about being genuinely thoughtful.

8. Prioritize Life Events: Acknowledge the personal touchstone moments of your Top 100, including graduations, promotions, and family events. Showing you care about their lives beyond work strengthens the relationship.

Don’t get overwhelmed. Just start! Your Top 100 list is a powerful tool for professional growth, but its true value lies in how you nurture and maintain these relationships.

As you move forward, consider how you can integrate this practice into your daily routine. Perhaps set reminders for regular check-ins or dedicate specific times for relationship nurturing. The key is consistency and genuine engagement.

Your next step? Start your list today. Begin with just one category if that feels more manageable. The important thing is to start. Your future self will thank you for the relationships you begin nurturing now.

p.s.

We’ve built this functionality into Avnir Relationship Bank™. Come join us…